Silent Night
by Crina
Summary: And now... It was Christmas again. Dennis and his first Christmas without Colin.


Response to silverbirch's Lonely this Christmas challenge.

* * *

Silent Night

The first thing Dennis saw as he stepped to the bar was the barman who leaned against the table, his lips moving and eyes closed. He didn't seem to be in any hurry, and Dennis soon realised why. The bar was almost empty.

As Dennis came closer to the barman, he heard him singing Silent Night quietly. Dennis felt a jolt in his stomach – there had been a time when he had loved Christmas songs, sung them with Colin during the nights when they really should have been sleeping.

Last Christmas they had been together, gone to the church and listened how the choir sung those same songs. Colin had sat next to him, not knowing that he would have less than five months to live.

And now... It was Christmas again.

That's why it was so empty here – people were home, spending time with their families. And Dennis should have been there too. But he couldn't stand the idea of being there and remembering the last Christmas when Colin still was there. A coward, that was what he was. _Colin_ had never been a coward, and Colin would be so angry to him if he saw his brother like this, sneaking to a Muggle bar with charmed IDs and leaving their parents all alone.

But that was Colin's fault, Dennis thought. _Colin_ had left them first.

The barman snapped to action when he noticed Dennis' coming, gave him a drink and smiled sleepily. He had a name tag pinned neatly to his shirt. Mick, it said, and Dennis wondered how many customers really cared.

Mick returned to his song, Dennis stared down numbly.

Things had changed so much during this year. Too much, really. Colin was gone, all the magic had drained away from the world. He hadn't gone back to Hogwarts or been in contact with anyone from the magical world. He read the letters his friends sent but threw them away without answering to them. There was no point. _This _was his world. This should always have been his world – and Colin's.

Ginny Weasley, who had known Colin and been his friend, had also sent a letter. Ginny Weasley, who had also lost a brother. That letter Dennis had saved. He knew Colin had liked Ginny Weasley, and he knew she had really meant every word she had written.

"I have seen you here before."

Dennis looked at the barman who had stopped singing and was now staring at him. The man – Mick – leaned closer.

"How old are you, really?"

"I'm nineteen", Dennis said quickly, knowing he was not going to fool anyone.

Mick snorted. "Right."

"_I'm nineteen_." He was fifteen really, and his sixteenth birthday was far too close already (to spend a birthday without Colin was just too much to imagine) – but the war had made everyone older, even people like him. Even cowards.

"Fine. But why are you here? Did the girlfriend dump you?"

"My..." Dennis' voice broke. "My brother died."

"I'm sorry."

Dennis wanted to change the topic, wanted to talk about something else than Colin, and still he asked the one question that would keep the conversation in brothers and families and all the things Dennis wanted to forget.

"Do you have siblings?"

Mick tilted his head to other side, seemed to count something. "Yes, eight. There are nine of us."

"Nine?" Dennis repeated. He had been expecting some of the usual answers – "I'm the only child", or "I have two sisters", or even "Well, I have two brothers and a sister, and then my mother's new husband has three of his own, and my father just started dating that pop star who adopted eighteen children few months ago, so I guess I have a few" – but no.

"Yeah, nine. Seven sisters and a brother. I am the fourth child, and eldest boy. Fortunately."

Dennis mumbled something and looked away, Mick's voice still flowing around him.

"Emily is the oldest, and either Holly or Ivy – their birthday is the day after tomorrow – is the youngest, and the rest of us are just in the middle. I think Ivy was Baby B... She is always late, you know. But I don't think it matters that much, do you?"

Dennis looked at Mick again. "Are you still talking?"

Mick laughed and shook his head. "Fine, I'll leave you alone."

Dennis appreciated the gesture and looked out of the window. It was dark, not at all 'calm and bright' as Mick hummed.

He really should go home and hug his parents. This Christmas would soon be over and perhaps the next one would be easier. It didn't seem likely just then, but he would have to try. Colin would like that.

"Sleep in heavenly peace", Mick sang, his eyes closed and a smile on his lips. "Sleep in heavenly peace..."

* * *

**A/N:** Don't ask me why I'm suddenly so fixated on large families. I have no idea.

One of my favourite Christmas songs is Jouluyö, Juhlayö, the Finnish version of Silent Night. Silent Night isn't as good as Jouluyö, Juhlayö, but there are some very beautiful lines in it that I had to use in this. :)


End file.
